Thankful God meets moms where they are

When you are juggling two little ones, often it is so difficult to find those moments to be still and listen to God speak. I try to carve out specific time on a daily basis to study my Bible, but meditating on the Word and spending time in prayer fall by the wayside way too often these days as my mind is over crammed with the "to-do's" I need to accomplish before the kids wake up from their nap or I end up falling asleep myself from the exhaustion of keeping up with my sweet hooligans.

God is not too busy though. He is NEVER too busy. And, when I can't figure out how to slow down enough to be still before Him, I am so desperately thankful that He meets me where I am. Whether He places a thought in my head that blatantly reveals to me how I should go about doing something differently or whether He convicts my heart and shows me a clear picture of how my attitude/behavior looks to Him, He speaks!

As a child when you hear people say God speaks to them, you picture the booming voice of God that movies or TV commercials like to portray. That's probably why we so often miss the REAL voice of God - usually so subtle that we might miss it if we aren't looking. While I might not have hours to spend reading the Scriptures or attending all kinds of Bible studies/church services, He gives me friends and family to gently speak the truth, pictures of obedience/disobedience through my relationship with my children, encouragement and new insight through comments and links from those on Facebook, and even days where I don't feel well so that I'm forced to take some time to rest and be still.

Recently, He's been revealing a lot to me about being the mother He desires me to be. Since I believe that anything He says is worth sharing, and I also believe that I'm not the only one who struggles to be the parent I want to be, I thought I'd share a few of the things He's spoken to my heart lately. I hope He can meet a few more people where they are through this post.

1. Treat them like a blessing not a burden.

With a list a mile long on days when I feel like I am running on empty, it is so easy to give into anxiety - to let my mood and the way I respond to my children be affected. After I've lost my temper because Caleb won't go get his shoes on when we are already running late or Hadley knocked her baby food out of my hand and all over the both of us plus the floor, I feel defeated. With all that I am, I love my children. I ache to even think about someone being unkind or unfair to them, and yet often my words in the midst of my frustration are much more harsh than I'd ever want someone else to speak to them. While Caleb is pretty thick skinned, I've especially noticed my shortfall when I raise my voice to Hadley - the tears start rolling.

After a particularly exhausting day recently, the phrase "Treat them like a blessing not a burden" popped out in my head. I don't remember ever having heard the phrase before, but the words were very plain in my mind at that moment. I wrote it down, knowing that God was gently redirecting me, putting my focus back where it needed to be. You're not going to find the saying above quoted directly anywhere in Scripture, but the truth of it is. Psalm 127: 3-2, for example, says it plainly : "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one’s youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them; They shall not be ashamed, But shall speak with their enemies in the gate."

I think this lesson hit so hard at the time I received it because we'd just had the scare of the possibility of a tubal pregnancy and we'd also recently had friends who had just lost a baby late in their pregnancy. It was such a wake up call about how precious my children are! Not that I don't treasure them and always have, but I don't always show them what a blessing they are to me or remember that they are a reward from God when I'm in the middle of a challenging moment.

What a difference the day would be if I said, "Thank you God I have little people to make me run a few minutes behind" instead of complaining we aren't meeting someone else's agenda. While kids do need to learn to be obedient, I don't want to take out my frustration on them in the middle of a rushed situation, justifying my anger by the belief that they really should be doing what they were told rather than realizing how on a less hectic morning they would have received much more calm and direct correction. I want them to know that I value them and their feelings more than being on time and appearances.

Putting on a cheerful attitude on purpose rather than allowing an mindset of dissatisfaction to seep through makes such a difference in their attitudes too. They know when I'm happy and follow suit; they also know when I'm grouchy and mimic my not so great attitude.

I'm thankful for the revelation that I do have a choice to either focus on the blessing or on the not always so pleasant circumstances. I don't want to waste time giving into emotions. I want to be realistic with my kids and let them know that sometimes Mommy is tired and needs them to cooperate, but I never want them to feel like a burden to me. Every night, I want them to go to bed feeling like I am blessed because of them. That they light up my life...because when all the diapers are changed, the crumbs swept, and the to-dos done, they really are worth it. All the precious moments they bring to a day are far worth any task, mishap, or strain that snuck its way in as well.

2. You have control over how you respond.

In line with the lesson God taught me above, He also showed me through Joyce Meyers that we don't have to be controlled by our emotions and that allowing yourself to be led by them leads to destruction every time. What struck me the most was when she talked about having meltdowns when her children would misbehave. She talked about how her emotions and even rage took over and she fully believed that she couldn't control her temper when she lost it with her kids, until.... Mid-rant one day, her pastor showed up at the door. Immediately she turned off the shouting and put on a cheery all-is-right-with-the-world facade. God taught her that day that Satan had been feeding her a bunch of bologna. I'm so thankful she was humble enough to share her short comings so that the rest of us don't have to believe that lie either.

3. You're going to keep facing the same obstacle until your heart is right.

As I mentioned in the first point I made above, trying to get out the door with two kids and be somewhere on time is often the source of a lot of frustration for me. While there are so many other daily conflicts I could choose from, I'm going to use this example again because it's where God spoke another lesson to me the other day.

So many parents of young children stay home trying to avoid all the work of getting everyone out the door. Many days I would opt to just stay home too if that was a choice, but with so many doctor appts and the aquatic exercise necessary to maintain my health, it often isn't possible. As a result, I try to plan ahead and even throw in a little extra time knowing we'll always be a few minutes later than the time I set to leave. It never fails though that one thing after another comes up and we're late again. Caleb, of course, is in his own world with no real understanding of what it means to be "late" even though I keep saying "We're going to be late" or "We're running late, and I need you to hurry" like he has any concept of what that means. The other day, God revealed to me two things about these types of obstacles though.

The first was the reminder of these words from James 1:2-3:  ^"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." Yep! In all my frustration, God told me that I'm going to keep facing the same obstacles until I learn patience so that I can be complete. 

God furthered my understanding of what he intends by leading Joyce Meyer to mention Colossians 3:12 on the video I watched the other night.  The verse reads: "Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." While I didn't get it before, now I see it. I have to PUT ON patience just like I PUT ON my shoes to get ready to go. Otherwise, getting out the door, or dealing with any frustration for that matter, is going to be hard on both me and my little ones. While I have a long way to go, I find myself now saying out loud, "Help me, Lord. I am putting on patience. I am putting on patience." I don't have to be in that quiet place. God is listening to my plea in the middle of my battle.

He also taught me about Satan's role in all of this. While God gives us tests to grow us, some of our trials come from another source - the prince of darkness. 1 Peter 5:8 warns: " Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." Satan wants us to miserable and is looking for those footholds to upset us, getting us to accept a foul mood so that rather than loving others we are grouchy to them. God revealed to me that if Satan knows making me a couple minutes late is going to get me anxious and angry, he's going to just keep pushing that same button. James 7:7 gives us this promise: "Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." Jesus also modeled this when He found the lies of Satan off with the word of God in the book of Matthew. If I quit letting him get my dander up, it loses its fun and appeal. Letting my emotions run wild only gives him power over me, and I'm tired of it. How thankful I am for this truth that I'd overlooked.

4. God has given you all you need to be a mom.

At the Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS) group I attend, the topic of conversation at the last meeting focused around the fact that God has given us all we need to be moms to our children. While it isn't news to any of us that we're imperfect, our shortcomings seem to glare so much brighter to us when we feel that don't measure up to the mom that we want to be (or the one others tell us we should be). Everyday is not going to be a smooth ride, but that doesn't mean that God hasn't equipped us completely for the task of raising our children.

Even before Caleb was born I was leery of parenting books. I felt like God would teach me what I needed to know and most things would come naturally. Even before my kids were born, I heard so many moms who were married to the theories they'd read in books and were closed minded to the possibility of other parenting techniques. After having kids, I am even more hesitant to read parenting books or articles, especially those opinionated blurbs plastered all over the Internet with a million hateful comments underneath from self-righteous parents who believe there is only one right way to do all things. Here's the thing: ALL KIDS ARE DIFFERENT. You're kid might be fine to skip a nap here or there while the lady over there has to make sure hers are home and asleep at a certain time. Using the Cry-It-Out method may be considered a miracle method for one mom, while another may need to lay down with her child or have the time and opportunity to rock hers to sleep. One kid may be ready to potty train before they're a year old, and your kid may be closer to three and a half. You are the mom! You know what is best for YOUR kids no matter what other people tell you is acceptable or not. We've got to be very careful about holding any advice/method as absolute truth or "the only way" unless Scripture directly tells us to do so. Most of what we read on parenting topics is one person's opinion based on their experience with one particular child or group of children. They don't account for all environments, family situations, temperaments, personalities, schedules, family sizes, etc.

We need to let go of the rigidness of worldly expectations, stop accepting others judgment of our parenting and likewise judging others' parenting, and allow the Holy Spirit to lead us in what is right for our child and our family at that particular point in time. We've got to just accept His grace when we don't quite get it right and remember that "...there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" (Romans 1:8), so we can just stop beating ourselves up about not being perfect. He equips us for the task He hands us and all we need to do is depend on Him and seek good judgment from the wisdom only He (the Creator of both you and your child) can provide.  

5. Don't compare your insides to someone else's outsides.

So often we look at our friends' lives and get that "grass is greener" on the other side mentality. We judge how they appear to have it all together on the outside by the exhausted, scatterbrained mess we feel like on the inside. When another mom spoke up at MOPS last week with this saying she'd heard during a biblical parenting course recently, it pulled the scales from my eyes. You could just see throughout the room how one small phrase captured the attention of the group as each women connected personally to the message God brought through that one lady who was obedient enough to repeat what He'd revealed to her. 

This isn't just a mom thing either. We all do this, but again, I think we are particularly sensitive to it as moms when our greatest desire is a well-rounded family and to raise out kids "right" without all the long term consequences so many face in hindsight of their mistakes. We have to realize though what is reality, and what is the cleaned up picture we often see. 

For example, I've had people look at my blog posts and think things are perfect in the McKinstry world. I don't post about the days when I feel like retreating to bed or running away, the times my temper gets the best of me, or those instances when it seems like every bit of productivity I had that day was undone by my kids two steps behind me. Blogging is the best of the McKinstrys - sweet memories, funny mishaps, and scrapbooking milestones of my children's lives.  I once reminded a unmarried friend that all that she sees on McKinstry Moments isn't reality TV. While I love being a wife and mother, there are some really hard days and exhausting weeks. 

All that said, this post is a step away from what you normally see on this website. While it was a bit hard to write because I'm being vulnerable here letting everyone see the closets of my life where I really don't have it all together, I think it is important that we obey James 5:16 which says: "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective." When we all hide our mistakes from each other we don't know how to support each other and pray for guidance. We feel anxiety because we compare our mixed up insides with the illusion of perfection on someone else's outside. As moms, we need to lay down judgment of one another and pick out the lies Satan uses to attack our confidence in the abilities God has endowed us with. We have to know the truth because it will set us free. (John 8:32)

A Real Snow

About a week and a half ago, we finally got a "real snow." Not just a dusting like most of our snowfalls have been this winter; we actually wound up with a 16" accumulation!

A few days prior to the snow, my mom brought over a London Fog snowsuit she found that I'd worn my first winter. She just couldn't resist playing dress-up with Hadley! That sweet baby was such a cutie pie all bundled up and waiting on the snow, and it definitely me glad my mom held on to it for the past 28 years.

A couple nights later, the snow started falling and continued to build pretty much all of the next day. While we had some massive snowfalls while I was pregnant with Caleb, this was the biggest he'd ever seen. All day we glanced out the windows and talked excitedly trying to guess how much we'd gotten so far.

 

 

Dave ended up working at home in the basement that day. It was good to know he was home safe but hard not to bother him when he was so close and we wanted to be down there enjoying him. After waiting patiently all day for Daddy to finish working though, finally Caleb was able to go out and get his hands on that cold white stuff. My runny nosed baby girl had to stay in the house with her Momma.

Hey! Caleb and Daddy are outside.

No fair!

Poor Hadley

Loving life

Still at the window glued to the scene

Let me out!

Poor Hadley was so anxious to get outside and be part of the fun. To be completely honest, her Mommy was pretty excited to let her try out that little snowsuit too! So, despite the sniffles, we finally let her go out for a few minutes.

I couldn't find any matching snow boots. Hadley is sporting some oversized rubber boots Caleb outgrew last year instead.

 

Back inside again, Hadley and I were both glad she'd had the adventure.

The following day the roads were clear enough for Dave to go to work and for us to visit my parents. Dad found a sled in the attic from when we were kids and pulled Caleb up and down the hill in the backyard a few times. Afterwards, he sent us home with the sled for more fun that evening. Once again, Daddy got to spend some boy time with Cay-Cay after work in the snow.

It was fun while it lasted and hopefully we'll have another good size pile to play in next year, but I say enough for this year! Bring on spring!

Finally a due date!

This was an exciting week for us! Monday we had our second ultrasound and finally received an official due date for our new baby - October 27th.

We had a sonogram two or three weeks ago to verify that we didn't have a tubal pregnancy because I was having some pain on the right side of my pelvis. After much prayer, we were relieved to find out the problem was only a cyst that was causing the discomfort.

While thankful that the baby was where he/she was supposed to be, our little one was too small for us to see on the ultrasound screen even though the doctor could tell all was well. The baby was also too little to pick up a heartbeat yet or take measurements of to get a due date. This verified what I'd suspected - the baby wasn't as far along as expected. Needless to say, we didn't get any souvenir pictures to take home with us that time around. Monday though, we got our first photographs of Baby.

The ultrasound tech determined that this little one was only about seven weeks and a day at that point, and it was difficult for us to make out any of the body parts as you can imagine. Where do you think the head is? What about a foot? Give up? Let me diagram this photo for you to help a bit. At the top of the dark circle where you see a somewhat round blob, that is the egg sac. The baby's feet/tail are right beside that, and his/her head is down near the word BABY - with the dark spot being the brain which is mostly water. Isn't it amazing how the ultrasound tech could tell all that and we couldn't even make out up from down?

Probably the most exciting part of the whole experience this time around was just to hear the heartbeat. With both of my other children, I think I heard the perfect rhythm of their little hearts on the very first visits and didn't have reason to worry. Since this child was too small on our first trip though, I felt a little desperate to hear it to make sure all was well.

This pregnancy has been different for me in several ways. To begin, I don't remember being nearly as nervous with the other two. I don't know if it's because my hCG levels were low at first or if it was the cyst scare. Maybe it's that we weren't expecting to have another one quite so soon. Maybe it is because I am trying to figure out the logistics of taking care of three babies instead of listening to Matthew 6:34 ("Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own"). Maybe it's because I feel pressure from people who think I am crazy when I tell them we are having another baby when we already have two who are already so little. Maybe because I feel so much more tired and nauseous this time and am trying not to over do. Or, maybe it's just those crazy hormones. No matter what the cause really, God is the solution to any of those concerns. Spending time in prayer has been so helpful and maybe that is the whole reason for the nerves anyway, just to draw me closer to the One I need to be spending time with daily (and all day for that matter) to continue molding my heart to be the mother I need to be for my three babies. He is so good at putting my eyes back on the blessing and taking them off the worries.

Aside from my emotions running wild, physically I've struggled more this time around too. I had some nasuea (usually in the evenings) with both my other children, but this time around it seems pretty constant. Since I am still nursing Hadley, and hoped to until she was a year old which is in two weeks (How can she be that old already?!?!), it is very hard to intake enough calories and drink enough water to keep up. Subtract the 12 or so tubes of blood they took this week for the pregnancy panel and my normal Lupus monthly pregnancy bloodwork and you can imagine how literally drained I've been. While it breaks my heart to wean our sweet girl so soon, I've decided that there is nothing magical about her birth date being the day I can start her on whole milk. Since it is so close at this point, I plan to try her on some cow milk this weekend to see it if helps improve my overall health so that I can feel better to take care of the kids and enjoy them.

Tiredness has taken its toll this time around too. You may have noticed the blog posts are more infrequent lately. The main reason is because when my two little boogers sleep, usually I sleep too! My to-do list is getting a bit out of hand, but it's alright (or at least I keep telling myself that). Going to bed early and planning for both kids to nap at the same time so I can nap too has been what's gotten me through. It seems strange that I don't remember being as tired with the other two since while pregnant with Caleb I was teaching Spanish to over fifty students, teaching and producing a yearbook with another full class of students, taking my last graduate class, and prepping like crazy for my comprehensive final exam, and then with Hadley I was tending to Caleb, teaching a Bible study, and running to physical therapy and water aerobics multiple times a week. However, I do feel so much more exhausted than I recall being before. Possibly it's because I still have to get up to nurse Hadley at night or maybe because chasing two small kids around as well as feeding, diapering, and cleaning up messes constantly is more exhausting than it sounds. Either way, I had better quit typing, get off here, and get to bed....

Thanks for reading and I hope to post more about our third child soon!

The WARF

Our goal this year is to have one family outing a month doing something special and unique with our kids. As you saw in a previous post, we opted to venture to the Baltimore Aquarium for our January excursion. This time around though, we thought we might try out the Great Wolf Lodge in Williamsburg. To our dismay, after planning for weeks, we sadly got some advice from a friend at church the night before we were planning to leave that it might not be the best option for us right now and ended up canceling our reservations. 

Although our plans didn't work out as expected, I definitely wanted to do some type of water park activity since I'd been telling Caleb for days that we were going to one. The same church friend suggested possibly trying Massanutten's water park which is much closer to us and could be done without spending the night away from home so we considered it. I also remembered one of the teens from church raving about a place about a half hour from us called the WARF that had a waterslide and pools. After researching some online, we decided the WARF might be the better option for us since it opened pretty early on week days and we could get at few hours of play time in before lunch and nap time.

Dave had already planned to take off for the Great Wolf Lodge trip, so we just headed for the WARF instead that last Thursday morning in February. We got going a little slow and ended up lost trying to find it until I called my sister to Google for some new directions since I'd gotten the wrong address. Finally though, we arrived!

For such a small area, this place was actually pretty impressive. They had all kinds of fitness equipment and classes, a large outdoor playground, a lap pool, and so much more. The area we went to had a section for smaller children with a slide and lots of gadgets that shot water. It also included a lazy river and waterslide, though the slide was closed and the kids were to small to use it anyway. It was also inexpensive; the kids were both free and Dave and I were $7 a piece.

They have several large family changing rooms which made it very convenient for all of us to get into our suits. After everyone was clothed and ready, we quickly headed out to see all the fun things they had waiting for us. Our excitement was dulled a bit though when a lifeguard approached us and told us we may not want to get it yet because they were just about to blow the whistle for break time. Since we didn't want the kids to get wet and cold for only a couple minutes of play time, we kept our anxious little ones out of the pool as they longingly set on the side eager to play.

One of my friends was having a yardsale recently where I found this adorable Janie and Jack bathing suit for Hadley. Almost as soon as we got there, all of these other mothers started talking about how much they loved her suit and asking where I found it. (Thanks so much, LeAnne! We love it!)

Finally after our late start, getting lost, and having to wait for the break, we were able to get in and enjoy! Hadley, who loves to swim in the bathtub and splash around, was in heaven. She loved every part of this adventure. So many people approached us commenting on how unbelievable her excitedness and love for the water was at her age. I was thrilled that she enjoyed it so much because, although Caleb is old enough to enjoy a lot of different outings, it is hard to find a good activity that is appropriate for a little person Hadley's age.

If you pulled on these ropes water came down. This was a particular favorite of Caleb's.

Hadley loved the slide!

She figured out pretty quickly how to jump back up once she reached the end and walk back around to climb the steps and try it again.

Her facial expressions when playing with the fountains show just how much she loves the water.

The lazy river was big hit too.

While Hadley was full speed ahead, Caleb was much more timid when we first arrived. He clung to me quite a bit, especially when we went into the lazy river, and didn't care for the water falling down on his head. This was surprising to me since he's always loved the pool in the past, but maybe he just now getting to the age where he understands there are dangers to the water as well. After a break though, the second round of water play was much more laid back and fun for him. He took a few more risks, branching off a little on his own to explore the pool.

This steering wheel made water shoot on people below. It was one of the things Caleb enjoyed most.

You can do it, Caleb!

Getting a little more brave, he let Daddy take him for a few laps around the lazy river with a smile on his face.

Now that we know this place is so close, I expect that we'll be making quite a few more trips, especially in the winter months when it is hard to find things to do. I even looked at the swimming lesson options and I may sign Caleb up for a session in April to make sure he is ready for the water this summer and can enjoy it without being too nervous. He has already been begging to return! They also host birthday parties which I thought might be good if I plan to have Caleb and Hadley a joint party next year. Who knows! Either way, I think the WARF may become one of our favorite hang outs in the future.