Initially, Caleb mostly just ignored Hadley. At the hospital and when we first arrived back home, he was more concerned about seeing Mommy and getting a hold of my hair again than about this new little person that was here. He showed no interest in holding her and didn't even seem to notice much that something was different. In the days that followed he was indifferent to the fact that she was around for the most part, except when I was nursing. He peeked at her a few times and would help bring me things if I asked but mostly he'd just play with his toys around her acting like she'd been around all along. He'd tell me on occasion to put her back in her bed or to hand her to Dave so he could get my attention but life went on pretty much as normal. The main time he showed concern about Hadley was when we'd go somewhere in the car. He always wanted to make sure she came out of the vehicle with us and reminded us as we tried to get him out of his own carseat that we needed to bring her in the house.
Thrilled to have Mommy's hair again
- not noticing his sister so much
Playing cars underneath the bouncer seat
The
hardest part has been that since he was used to getting all the
attention, it was difficult to understand that Mommy and Daddy can't
always just put Hadley down to immediately do what he wants or needs. He
has had to develop patience in those moments when I am nursing,
changing diapers or outfits that have been spit up on, soothing a crying
baby, or attending to Hadley's more immediate needs. To help him adjust
better, our goal has been to explain why we have to do things for the
baby and include him in what we are doing. If I have to give her a bath,
I ask if he wants to help. He enjoys helping to carry her to the tub
and pouring cups of water on her feet. (Although, I have to watch
closely that he doesn't dump it on her head when I'm laying out her
towel to get her out - lesson learned!)
When
I am nursing her, I talked to him about how I am giving Hadley milk as
her food since she is a baby. Sometimes he wants to have milk too from a
sippy cup (even though he seemed interested in the possibility of
getting milk from me like Hadley was at first until we explained big
boys get sippy cups which he was satisfied with). Other times, I let him
snuggle into me while I nurse and read books together so that he feels a
part of what we are doing. It helps keep him from getting into things
while I am busy with her and, since he loves reading, we are all happy!
(One of his biggest pet peeves so far though has been Hadley's feet.
Any time they touched him when we were reading together or if they
touched a toy he had left laying near her, he would say "uuhhh feet!"
He's become more tolerant over time and giggles like crazy when I
pretend to smell them and give a big reaction about Hadley's "stinky
feet" which aren't really stinky at all.)
Picture taking of the two of them was a chore at first since Caleb saw no reason to hold Hadley for me to snap a few shots. Laying them beside each other or propping her up on him and standing very close to them so I could grab her in case he tried to get up or push her off his lap was the best I could do.
Even the professional photographer at the mall had a hard time getting
good shots of a super active toddler with a sister he was less
interested in than all the fun props hanging around the studio.
As
the two of them have grown more acquainted, Caleb has begun to show a
lot more interest in his sister though. When she is crying he's started
trying to figure out what she needs and how he can solve the problem. A few times he's brought
her a "woo-woo" (aka pacifier) and tried to put it in her mouth, maybe even smashing
it into her face a little if she doesn't take it right away until Mommy
runs to the rescue. At Granny's he tried to get her a bottle one day to
settle her. Other times he runs over to pull the string on her bouncer
toys to play the music she likes. Surprisingly, somehow he usually
chooses the right tool to make her happy or calm her. He may just be
trying to quiet her but it often seems more out of concern that she's
upset. Either way I'm glad that he tries to take care of her.
In
the most recent weeks, he's decided to cooperate by holding Hadley to pose for a picture and
even giving her a kiss which there was absolutely no chance of before. He
even wants to hold her and kiss her when I don't ask him to, knowing it
makes me happy and enjoying my reaction. She loves his attention too
and will look right at him as her face lights up with a smile.
He
has also been playing WITH "Baby Sisser" or "Hadley Jayne" as he calls
her rather than just playing around her. Here are a few pics from a tea
party they had recently:
Caleb's also great about showing her which toys are hers. Even before she was born he began sorting the baby toys from his toys. I was impressed that going through his toy box he could tell what was for a baby and what was for him. He plays with her stuff some but often he will walk over and hand her a toy he knows is hers.
He
likes to teach her other things as well and loves an invitation to do
so. Sometimes I will ask him to "show Hadley where her fingers are" or
her nose, ears, etc. - a request he is happy to oblige. Once when I
asked him to show her where her nose was he also told her there were
boogers in there and to eat boogers. (I had to correct his instructions
and make it clear that no one should eat boogers.) Here are some photos
of Dave winding the kids down for bed and Caleb teaching Hadley these
important things:
Caleb
is also introducing Hadley to things he loves - the first being Mommy's
hair and the second TV. I'm sure I've mentioned in previous posts about
Caleb's infatuation with my hair. At times this drives me absolutely
nuts because he constantly wants to have his hands in my head twisting
and tugging on it, saying "play Mommy hair" or "bow tie out" to get me
to let it down. Other times it is endearing as I see him comforted by it
and enjoy cuddling with him. One day when I asked him to show Hadley
where her hand was, he opened her small fingers, took a strand of my
hair, placed it in her palm, and shut her hand around it. My heart was
full! Since then he's helped her grab a hold several other times to have
a piece of his "lovie" for herself. While I'd rather she find a cute
stuffed animal or blankie as her comfort item, I just can't bring myself
to pull those locks out of her grip when he put them in there with such
love.
While
Hadley is too little to do much playing with yet, she can lay on the
blanket with him and watch Mickey or Elmo. She seems more interested in the
ceiling fan than what he's watching, but she pays attention on occasion
to the cartoon Caleb's glued to. I don't let them watch it too
frequently but it makes for great photo opts when they are both still.
Plus, Caleb's usually so distracted he doesn't even seem to notice when I
prop her up on top of him for a cute shot.
They are adjusting to each other wonderfully and I'm thankful for two loving babies!
