We have a big announcement to make!
When Dave and I first began having children, in my heart, I felt four little ones would be the perfect number for our family. All along I've planned for things with this in mind as I tucked away baby clothes the kids have outgrown or toys they're no longer interested in. And, though, I've been enjoying my family each stage of the of the way with those babies we've already been entrusted to raise, there's also been a continually longing for that long awaited fourth little one to complete our home.
While I am the more picture perfect visionary type, my husband on the other time is much more practical and realistic. Each step of our journey, he has been considering how tough it is to raise three little ones and if it was wise to add more to our already full plates. He was worried about the toll on my health, giving ample attention to each of our children, our patience levels, and simply how far behind and exhausted we often feel already. Oh, he definitely wanted another baby and said that on numerous occasions but, being the analytical engineer he is, had to look at our situation from every angle.
Since I'd already purposed in my heart that our family would continue to grow, I'd often talk about our future as if it was a done deal - decided. When he'd hesitate in uncertainty, I'd often playfully try to persuade him. Eventually though, I began to get stressed and became more pressuring in our conversations for him to make a decision. It was about this time that God began to convict my heart about nagging my husband. Instead, He lead me to simply trust Him by handing it over and praying about the situation - praying that He would change Dave's heart....or mine.
I told Dave I was going to stop bringing up the subject for a while and asked that he would pray too. Shortly after, we got a surprise...we found out we were expecting our fourth baby. Our immediate thought was that we guess God had settled that and we were both excited. But, just a few days after finding out, sadly that pregnancy ended in miscarriage and I was more confused and distraught than ever. It seemed cruel to give me the child I'd been hoping for and the daydreams of our family finally being "complete" and then snatch it away. But, I knew that wasn't God's way. I reminded myself that He is loving. He is kind. He works all together for good. Oh, but it was hard...
What was His plan?
My fears steepened at this point. While the loss just made my desire for another baby to hold that much stronger, Dave still was weighing all sides. How could this longing be satisfied if he didn't say yes? What if this was God trying to show me that my body couldn't handle any more pregnancies? So much was running through my head...so I prayed. Raw, honest prayers.
And, Dave prayed. It was in the months that followed, as I was still struggling with the leftover morning sickness and an ovarian cyst, that God began to speak. Through Sunday School lessons, radio messages, etc., He spoke. Then, one day, Dave heard the clear affirmation that, though it would be difficult for two worn out parents to add another bundle of energy to our mix full of years of physical and emotional needs, not everything in life is supposed to be easy. We were to move forward in trying to conceive.
Relief and joy was replaced with frustration as health issues began to attack my body in the spring and continue through the summer. I wasn't in any shape to attempt to carry another child and we both knew it. So we again delayed...trying to get me back on my feet - in good shape, in the hopes that our next pregnancy would be a healthy one.
Finally, towards the end of summer all settled down. With my health under control, we were able to move forward and thankfully God didn't keep us waiting any longer. By the end of August, we were overjoyed to find out that we were expecting the precious child I am now carrying. I know that there are so many who struggle with infertility or loss and I don't take for granted the mercy that He has had on my heart to fill our lives with this baby. I am grateful beyond words for what He was worked out in our lives through this process, teaching us, drawing us, and strengthening our faith each step of the journey.
1 Samuel 1:27 "For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition which I asked of Him."
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