Like usual, as I was struggling to get the kids ready and in the car that morning before MOPS, I'm sure I debated several times whether it was worth all the extra effort or if we should just stay home, but we finally made it. After taking my little ones out of their carseats, throwing the diaper bag on my shoulder, and doing a balancing act trying to get us all across the parking lot and everyone in their classrooms, there I was. Breakfast was waiting like normal and in my exhaustion I found a seat glad to finally be able to rest. I was thankful just to have gotten us all there and had no idea what God had in store for me next.
My friend Grace did the devotional portion of the meeting that day and she began by giving us a list of behaviors that her and her husband were battling with their four-year-old son. I kid you not, her list was almost identical to what I had specifically asked my mom to pray for that morning. (God is good! And this time He was quick to respond!)
First off, she had my attention because she related to me. She was vulnerable and let us see that, just like the rest of us, things weren't peachy keen in her household all the time. Grace didn't just talk about her son's misbehavior either, she told us ways that as parents her and her husband saw their own flaws coming out in their child. 1 John 1:9 instructs us to confess our sins to one another and pray for one another so that we may be healed; as I confessed my short comings to my mom and Grace admitted her mistakes to us, the door for healing was opened.
Now that the connection was made, I hung on her every word as she began to tell us how God was leading her to nurture her child's heart. This wasn't a "spare the rod and spoil the child" piece of old school advice or a list of handy tricks for dealing with each childhood behavior problems. She got to the heart of where all our sin starts. In a moment of awakening for me, Grace explained that if our children are obedient just because they want to please us that when we aren't around they are going to act differently; the motivation to do what's right won't be internal. It has to be based on something different - their relationship with the Father.
Rather than just giving her son a lecture of HER reasons why he should obey, Grace told us that she was beginning to use Scripture to teach him about what God says about his actions. She told us how she used Proverbs 25:28 to teach him about controlling his actions. It reads: "Whoever has no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down, without walls." She told him that he was a strong city and that when he didn't control his actions it was like the walls has been broken down. Because he gets this kind of stuff, it was a great analogy that he could relate to. By sharing passages like this with him, he can also begin to hide Scripture in his heart already. Her goal is to help him develop his OWN relationship with God through knowing the Word. It is the Holy Spirit's role to convict after all, right? (Acts 17:11)
Immediately I began putting this into practice. The first lesson being on the tongue. Caleb and I had an calm discussion about what God made our mouths for, not to say unkind things to people or lie or yell, but to praise Him, to build each other up, to have conversations, and to enjoy yummy foods. Any time he was out of line with that in the next few days, I would just say, "What did God make our mouths for?" He knew the answer and was redirected pretty easily as a result. We got a bit tickled one night though when Dave said something teasingly to me and Caleb, who thought my hubby was serious, politely let his daddy know that we needed to use our mouths to say kind things.
At bed time I've been trying to help Caleb develop his own relationship with God too. For a long time now before we begin our prayers, we talk about what he'd like to thank God for or pray about that night. Recently, I've also added a time of confession and repentance to our prayer time as well. At first this started out as kind of an impromptu thing on a day when I think both of us had been struggling, but now it's become a part our routine. It is a chance where I can model to Caleb confessing to God where I have messed up that day, whether is was impatience, sharp words, etc., but it also gives Caleb the opportunity to admit to his Heavenly Father where he went off course that day too. We don't harp on the mistakes and feel condemned; it's the part of the day to let go of that guilt - a time to agree with God that we sinned and ask for help to do better tomorrow.
I wasn't sure how well Caleb was understanding this process until one day this week when he told me he was embarrassed to tell God about something he'd done. As I helped him through that moment, explaining that God would forgive him, I was so excited to see the way God was moving in my preschooler's heart already, putting conviction in place to steer him in the right path and helping him understand what grace was about.
While I am hoping to get better at using God's Word vs. my own words when disciplining my kids, I am so thankful for this lesson from my sister in Christ who was first teachable herself and then humble enough to share her challenges with us and what God's taught her through them.
Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” - Matthew 19:14
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