This speaker began her video clip by talking about how she's learned over time to have a different style of parenting with each of her kids. She shared one story in particular about how hard it was at times to know how to parent one of her daughters - a very strong-willed little girl. Over time though, Kathi described how she began to look at the positive aspects of her daughter's determined personality and expounded upon the way that this new view changed the way she related to her child.
Typically I don't share my kids' misbehaviors on my blog or on Facebook because I wouldn't want my mom to share my flaws for the world to see. Plus, rather than letting their lives being transparent to the public, I think children should have the right to privacy in certain aspects (such as potty training, being disciplined, their private thoughts, etc.). However, in this post I am going to share a little of the small parenting challenges we face in order to show how God is working to teach and mature me as a Momma. I hope my little ones will forgive me this time.
Just as I described in my previous post, I felt like God was really meeting me where I was at this MOPS meeting. Like Kathi's daughter, my oldest son also has a strong-willed personality at times. That particular week, I was unsure just what do to about those stubborn moments that were exhausting me. Don't get me wrong. When I say strong-willed, I don't mean that Caleb is a bad kid. Many people will tell you just how impressed they are with what a well-behaved child is. He is kind to his siblings, helpful to me in so many ways, often very easy going and patient when I am tending the other ones and he has to wait, able to self-entertain himself for long periods of time, creative, comical, etc. But while there are so many positive things about who is he, there are also times when there is no changing his mind - head-strong moments when we all feel like we are all getting no where.
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| Here's one of his sweet moments, brushing his sister's hair for her |
Through the Holy Spirit's prompting though, Kathi encouraged us to look on the positive side of those tough moments, being thankful for such personality traits. She talked about kids who are perceived as bossy as being the ones who become leaders, ones who won't be swayed by the crowd but who will instead stick by their convictions. Then, she moved on to the quiet kids, who may be labeled as shy, backwards, or even rude. Kathi says, if you really look closely, these are ones who are very thoughtful; kids who when they say something mean it and whose few words are meaningful. Her call was for us pray for God to raise up our kids' special talents and ask for help guiding those talents while searching for other moms with the same type of kids and learning from them.
Four categories were used to group the different personalities children have, each with their strengths:
1. Drivers - the leaders, the "to do" people
2. Expressives - the ones who make sure everyone is having a good time
3. Analytics - those who try to do everything perfectly and with excellence
4. Amiables - kids who look for the simple in things and try to maintain low stress levels
As she spoke, I began to consider Caleb's determined nature as a blessing, that once he has made up his mind, there is no swaying him. And, though there are times when his will must bend to ours because we are the parents and he has to learn obedience as God designed that parent and child relationship, rather than being just frustrated with his adamancy to do things the way he thinks is best, my attitude can be one of thanksgiving for how God designed him and how He can use that for good throughout my son's life. He did after all create him with purpose, giving him what he needs.
The speaker also drew me back to the topic of love languages. Dave and I have repeatedly considered if we are appealing to each other's love languages ever since we read Gary Chapman's book on this topic, but now our kids are at the point where we need to consider theirs as well so we can love them in the way they'll receive it best.
As I began pondering this subject, I realized that Caleb's is definitely "quality time." We have very little conflict with him when he has Dave's or my complete attention, when he doesn't feel he's competing with the other things that distract us, like household tasks, his siblings, etc. He's as good as gold on those special nights that we set aside to spend with just him. And though we can't fully focus all of our undivided attention on him all the time, I can see how important it is for us to set time aside regularly for that. I know that if unfavorable behaviors start creeping up, it usually means, "Mommy and Daddy, I need some QT with you."
With Hadley on the other hand, we can already tell that "physical touch" and "words of affirmation" are at the top of her list. Just like me, she is very sensitive to what people say to her; it can light her up or break her spirit. While Caleb might not respond to one of us raising our voice, Hadley often will get very worked up if you are stern with her. On the other end of the spectrum, if you compliment her saying she is pretty or smart or something like that, she'll smile and many times repeat back the compliment you've just given her. As far as physical touch goes, she is constantly running over to hug you or plop in your lap while she plays. While she doesn't stay long, she likes to come over and touch you as she goes. With her brothers, Hadley does something similar. She likes to pet Reid on the head, squeeze around his neck, or even push him sometimes. Likewise with Caleb and Dave, so often she's trying to wrestle them. Though we have to work on being gentle a lot because she's like a little bull running full speed ahead, she's not trying to hurt anyone I don't think; she just wants to have that physical contact.
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